I was FINALLY prescribed medication on June 2nd. I was given Letrozole, or Femara as name brand! She prescribed me 5mg, to take for cycle days 3-7....
This was the first time in a long time that I felt hopeful!! I had read so many blogs, and reviews, etc on people ovulating, AND conceiving on their very first round of Letrozole, even after many failed IUI's, and IVF's, and rounds of clomid, etc!! I felt so happy, and felt like it was finally happening, and coming together...I did not have any negative in my mind at all!! When I was meeting with my therapist, I wouldn't even say the words "I know it MAY not happen the first round" because I wanted NO negative thoughts in my mind at all!! I was 100% positive, this was OUR time, and everything was FINALLY coming together!!!
First, I am just going to tell a story....
So, I leave Kaiser, so happy to have my medication, and drive to walmart to buy my OPK's....
I also bought a little pouch of TGI friday mudslide, the little $2 ones you freeze....As I was at the register, the cashier asks me for my ID, and then looks down to my bag, that already had the OPK's in it, then back up and me, then to the alcohol...And this is how it goes...
Her:"Wow, alcohol and pregnancy tests, huh?!"
Me "No, they are ovulation tests!"
Her: "Oh, so you want one?"
Me: Yes, I do.
Her: "Oh there are too many kids in this world"
Me: Well, they make it so hard for those who can't have kids to adopt, so.."
And she can tell in my voice I am FURIOUS! She tries to turn it around and say
"Well, I wish you well in whatever you decide to do."
Really lady?!?!! I am not one to complain about service, ever!! I went outside, called the store, and asked the manager to come outside and talk to me, and I let him have a little piece of my mind about the cashier!! He said he would have a talk with her. Me working customer service, I cannot just tell some sneaker head that didn't get the newest Jordan release because our site crashed "Dude, chill out, they are just shoes!!" No matter how much I want to, I am in the customer service business, and have to be professional!!
I have not been back since then!!
And then came the wait from cycle day 7-11 until I start using OPK's for CD11-20... (CD means cycle day, for all of you who may not know)
Well, finally CD11 came, and went, and then every morning, pee in a cup, take the test, wait for result....no smiley face!! :( Well, on CD22, I went in for my progesterone test....I hate doing that, they can never find my vein, and it is just frustrating!!
Well, I had no side effects, whatsoever...which was a good thing....
Well, I just got my results, and the level for my progesterone is .1!! Yes, POINT ONE!! The lowest it has been over the past 5 months of testing!! Talk about discouraging!!
I am waiting on pins and needles to hear back from my Dr, to see if she is going to up my dosage, or what we are going to do!! I really hate needles,but I think I really want to do the trigger shot, and injectables, or whatever we need to do!!!
I was going to cancel my therapy appointments, as I was in a better place....Or so I thought!! Until all of this recent news!! It just throws me back to the same place I was to begin with, and I hate it, I wish things were different, I wish I could be mentally stronger, and more stable about this!! Its small things that break me down! One day I will be fine, and the next I am just not dealing with it well.
Tomorrow is my therapy, and I am hoping to feel a little better....I just gotta keep the goal in mind, and try to be positive, but everyone that is pregnant on my Facebook is having their babies, and/or due within the next month to 6 weeks!! Its driving me crazy!!!
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