First I need to let this rant out. I am not expecting every single person to comment, or be there for me during this time, but I am quite surprised that some people couldn't even message me, or comment, or anything. I am talking about people who claim they are hoping for us, etc etc. I know this is not an easy subject, obviously. But simple words do a lot. I had tagged Steven in my post, so that family members who are not on my page, could see it as well in their news feed, since he was tagged. Not one comment, peep, message, anything from them.
Now for my story.
This is absolutely horrible!! I was planning to announce it after our very first appointment, which would have been Feb 23rd. I would have been 8 weeks.
On Feb 25th, I took a pregnancy test before work, and it was positive. I was freaking out! The line was barely there. I went out to my car on my break, and the line was bright, and staring right at me!! I instantly started crying!!
I called my sister, and Skyped her, and showed her the test! I am not sure if she was crying, or what she was doing, but she was happy!
This was really happening!!!
I went for a blood draw the following morning to confirm it. I got my number back, and while it was on the low side, it was definitely a positive. I had to tell Steven!! I tried to keep calm on the phone when the nurse called me, because he was sleeping in bed, next to me, and I didn't want to ruin it!! I had put together a surprise for him.
I told him that I bought him something for work. He wasn't buying it. He knew something was up, and definitely suspected something. He said I had been glowing. :) So, I had surprised him with this. I put all of this inside a Nike shoe box. Along with the multiple pregnancy tests I had taken!
He was so excited. I videoed it, and we had our moment. Very few people knew. I knew it was very early, and anything could happen. Steven wanted to announce it to the world, as he was super excited, but I wanted to wait until our first appointment.
These are the days I went in for blood draws, along with my levels.
1/26- 37.1
1/28- 53.1
1/30- 94.8
2/2- 253.7
2/6- 274.3
2/7- 224.4
2/9- 145.4
Now I know that you guys have no clue what the levels mean, but this is the pregnancy hormone level in my blood. It should have doubled every 48 hours, and it never really did. Although the first couple tests were within range as far as "doubling" like they should have. What really gets me, is that literally every time I went to get my blood drawn, except 2 times, they had to poke me twice to get blood! I hate that! Not to mention I still had a bruise from over 2 weeks ago, from my progesterone test.
So, when my number was 253, I decided to wait a few days, and was hoping my number would be over 1000. Well on Friday, I went to Motherhood Maternity store, to buy a couple shirts. I need some new shirts, and was pretty bloated. Steven and I also walked around the mall, and bought some really cute baby items. I bought 3 super comfy, adorable maternity shirts!! After we were done, and got to the car, I decided to check to see if my test result was in. It was....And my level was only 274. I knew then, that this wasn't good......I cried, and cried. Everyone telling me to try to stay positive, but I knew that with the numbers being so low already, that them going up only 21 in 4 days, was definitely not a good sign. Well I decided to not wait 48 hours, and go in, in 24 hours...I just wanted to see if they were rising at all, or if they were falling......
Sure enough, got my results a couple hours later, and they had dropped by 50 in 24 hours! I was devastated!! I knew the worst was yet to come.....
I went to the Dr yesterday, Jan 9th, and the Dr confirmed I am having a miscarriage. I am bleeding, and cramping,. and incredibly uncomfortable! Also pretty sure the "embryo", "tissue" whatever you want to call it, has already passed just less than an hour ago......
I am doing surprisingly okay. I am sad, but I am trying my very best to not dwell on this. I got pregnant!! Naturally!! Steven had insisted we take a break from IUI, and so we did, and achieved pregnancy!
It makes me feel a little better than your first pregnancy has the highest chance for miscarriage. I am also thankful that this happened before our first appointment, because we had not seen our baby on ultrasound, or anything. I couldn't imagine seeing a heartbeat, and a baby, then have this happen!! But at the same time, I am sad that I did not even get to see my baby! My baby was gone before I even got to see it on an ultrasound, or see its heartbeat. But I know it is easier this way.
I was 6 weeks on Friday 2/6/15. The Dr wants to follow up in 2 weeks from yesterday, which would have been the day of our first prenatal appt. But instead are going in for a miscarriage follow up. We are back further than where we started, in a way. Yes, we achieved pregnancy, but now we have to try to get my cycle back on track, and make sure I am ovulating again. Which is going to take some time. This really seems like a never ending process! But we are banded together, and moving forward. We know who is truly there for us, and who is not. I am beyond thankful for my husband, and for the ones that do show us support. <3
I really was glowing...
No comments:
Post a Comment